Speaking of the fella - here he goes. He starts way too high and... oh sod it. wheeler, how were your sausages?
Gahh, Jonathan Ross defects! Alistair manages to look even more smug and keeps winking at people. Die, Alistair, die!
Alex's recap of songs so far. There's an album, right there. She's singing 'Imagine' and oh my god, sabotage! The backing track! But it doesn't work because she's great anyway. The song is overplayed, in my opinion, but she's working it. My god - what a finish! That was superb. Look around the audience - everyone loves Alex. All except for Alistair, who looks like he's been kicked in the gut.
Oh god. Bedingfield is back. I'm fighting the urge to run. Oh, jesus - an Alistair/Bedingfield duet and it's that awful song, too. Thank god, it's short. Awful, but short. Alex now - and she's got the one Bedingfield song that I sort of like, written when he was a kid in his room and not the hyperactive international twat he is now. This is ok. Alex is singing harmonies rather than singing a duet, but if we shut the eejit up and let her take it alone, it'd be good! Ha, Patrick asks Bedingfield what he thinks the standard has been like tonight - Bedingfield chooses to ignore the question and, rather inappropriately, makes a plea for people to vote for Alex. Heheheh. Ok, he's a twat but I just warmed to him a little. Alistair looks crushed. I feel a flash of sympathy for him but then realise that he's becoming and underdog and that means sympathy votes. Damn you, Bedingfield!
Here's Alistair singing his own song. He's much better when he's doing this. Shame it's that annoyingly catchy one. Richard Park says it's the sort of song that gets into your head. Yes, Richard, so's the Cheeky Song.
Alex's song is lovely. I've never heard it before, but I like it. I think it'd be the sort of song that would grow on me. I already would like to hear it again.
Oh, now they're dueting. Shut him up and it'd be good. I notice that Alistair's female relatives all look like Alistair in drag. And now.. it's results time! I'm stopping writing for this....
... and Alex wins! Thank you sane voters! Superb! Alex looks stunned and she sings one more time, just as well as she did before. All the FA students sway in the background, arms around one another. All, that is, expect for Simone - who is stuck like a lemon in front. Oh well. Well done Alex! At last a result that is deserved! Ahh, I'm a happy lady. How can Pop Idol possibly compare?